I steer my rusty Dodge Dart
Down the highway heading for exile,
Carrying nothing but rebellion in my heart
And a life now in ruins.
I had reason to be dubious of his intentions,
Watching the lies billow from his mouth
As he set fire to dreams I thought we shared,
Not able to latch myself to even a shred
As they vanished like vapor through my fingers.
Betrayal fuses to my soul,
A permanent scar to remind me
Of a harsh lesson learned.
As rain beats a staccato rhythm of metallic pings
To break the oppressive silence,
I grieve for the man I thought I loved,
Not the petulant child I left behind.
5 comments:
Harsh indeed. "Betrayal fuses to my soul" - great line.
Excellently wordled! I wouldn't even have guessed it was a wordle, as there is no awkwardness at all in the placement of the words.
Ah, I remember the Dodge Dart. LOL. My aunt had one. Hadn't thought about that in a long time.
I guess I approach the wordles a little differently than the other prompts I attempt each week. I just sit with the assorted words for as long as I need to until I can hear their story, usually it's just one or two that pop out with an image (and in this case it was the Dodge Dart) then the rest just sort of fall into place. I know it seems a bit psychobabblish, but it works, so I don't try to second-guess it too awfully much! :)
Nothing psychobabblish about letting words age like fine wine until they're ready Mary - that's what it seems to me you've done here ... and it's resulted in a fine poem ... if I hadn't spotted the venerable staccato, I doubt I would have realized it was the wordle, so finely wrought is this ...
It's really hard to second guess a poem when it's ready to make itself known--and this one has made itself known with power and grace. Thank you.
Whirling Haiku and Senryu
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