Tuesday, June 19, 2012

The Secret Keeper

For the sake of self-preservation
I became the secret keeper,
Hiding the warts on my soul,
Denying access to anyone
Who would use my weaknesses
As ammunition for their next volley of bitterness,
But that which remains hidden
From the healing light of the sun
Putrefies and festers.
These secrets metastasized,
A cancer growing in my soul,
Oozing a poison that infected my life.

Now, for the sake of self-preservation,
I must find a cure,
A way to remove
This tumor of isolation,
Give someone access to my soul,
Warts and all,
And trust them to keep my secrets.

~~~~~~~~~~  This prompt was inspired by a prompt from Poetry Jam asking for poems about questionable choices and their consequences.


Victoria said...

I feel the pain and regret at having become a secret keeper and the desire to live in a different, freer way.

my heart's love songs said...

my personal philosophy is that we can become physically ill from holding in negativity.

"Give someone access to my soul"

that's beautiful!

{previous comment posted without my name and url}

Mary said...

I hear you! And, I empathize. Truly, I think poetry is good for exposing some 'secrets' to the light of day. When we do this, we sometimes find we are not as alone as we thought we were. But yes, too many secrets held inside oneself eventually eat away at our core.

Brian Miller said...

we do this thinking we are preserving ourselves...only to find that it does fester and bcome very are not alone in this...been there...

JANU said...

Beautifully said...holding on has its own repercussions.

Peggy said...

You captured the irony of this so well--and act of preservation that eventually becomes toxic. It fits the prompt perfectly.

Daydreamertoo said...

I agree with everyone else. Sometimes we have to open our hearts and risk the pain of being hurt or, if we do allow ourselves to keep the secret hidden, the only person we are hiding them from is ourselves.
I don't know what your secrets are but, once you share them with someone you trust, it isn't a secret anymore and, whatever it is, it cannot hurt you to allow it to see the light of day anymore than hiding it away has hurt.
Sometimes the load becomes so much lighter once we let go. :)

Hope you can do what is best to help yourself.

Jinksy said...

Daydreamertoo has the answer - share the secret, and let go from then on. ♥

Helen said...

Unburdening ourselves of everything that brings us down, destroys our positiveness ~~ is a good choice.

Beautifully written with honesty and sensitivity.

Becky Sain said...

Oh yes... definitely. Give your secrets away... it's always worth it!

SaraV said...

Beautiful and poignant Mary. It is so hard to be that secret keeper and poetry is the door that let's us share--thank you for sharing your wonderful poem

sharonlee said...

I can relate to this, warts n all. Great write... elegant.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

I, too, like the "give someone access to my soul" does help ease the burden we carry when we can talk about the hidden stuff. Really good writing.

Loredana Donovan said...

Yes, give access to your soul! Sharing poetry in a supportive circle is one way to do that. It's OK to be a bit guarded until you get to know and trust the people you're opening up to. In time, it becomes easier to trust and share. :)

Sreeja said...

This happens sometimes....nice poem...